To stay in the game is to be as engaged and present as possible, for as long as possible.
None of us know how much time we have, or what our physical and mental capacities will be as we progress through life. An acquaintance of mine with an active, outdoors lifestyle developed Parkinson’s Disease, which gradually robbed him of physical energy, strength, and capabilities.
To stay in the game is to be aware that our time is finite and that our mental and physical capacities diminish with time, especially if we don’t protect them. Multiply the word “especially” two or three times if you have a disease or condition that pushes you down this path much sooner and harder than you want. Though one advantage of living with Stage 4 cancer is that you have a reminder of the value of time and strong motivation to act now.
For somebody in the advanced throes of a disease like cancer, a phenomenon known medically as “terminal lucidity” often occurs. Hospice care professionals also refer to it as an end-of-life rally, which is when the person who has been confused or lethargic (a typical side-effect of pain-killing drugs) bounces back in a period of clarity and animation. I imagine that this brings a sign of hope to loved ones and caregivers. While in most instances these rallies last only a matter of hours, some people experience this phenomenon for weeks or even months.
More on end of life rallies, covered wonderfully by The New York Times. (may require a subscription)
Stories abound of people with terminal, stage 4 cancer or other life-threatening illnesses who hang onto life because they have a strong reason to do so:
It’s also not uncommon for people with advanced cancer to be told their prognosis is 6 months to a year, and yet they live far beyond that deadline. (No pun intended, and btw, why is it always 6 months to live, not 5 or 7? Why not simply “several” months, a more defensible option for doctors and less scary for patients.)
My favorite story of a cancer patient living long past the often-pronounced six-months to live is the story of bird watcher Phoebe Snetsinger, who was diagnosed with melanoma in 1981 and told she had less than a year to live. That prediction was off. Way off. Like 18 years off. And she put that time to very productive use, traveling around the world to see as many birds as possible in whatever time she had left. Her memoir is entitled, Birding on Borrowed Time. How precious is that?
What’s even more precious is that cancer was not the cause of her death. She was a passenger in a vehicle that was involved in a fatal car accident.
Phoebe Snetsinger was honored on what would have been her 85th birthday in a Google Doodle.
Staying in the game means adapting
Staying in the game becomes more challenging when energy wanes and the body aches. It’s not as much fun when we can no longer do what we used to do so easily and effortlessly and activities that once brought pleasure now bring aches, pains, and frustrations. What I’ve learned is to adapt, to accept but not give up, and to keep pushing and doing whatever I can, without judgment.
To everyone reading this, especially those dealing with advanced cancer, let’s continue to be either actively playing or actively engaged by observing and staying present until the game ends.