Getting a cancer diagnosis is like getting thrown into a wild, expansive sea without a flotation device. The initial shock pushes you upward for air as you try to keep from drowning. You sputter and flail about for awhlie. You realize that life as you knew it just one second ago has vanished as you look to return to its safe and familiar shore.
Calming and controlling your mind will become a new muscle to develop and exercise regularly. When I think back on how incapable I used to be at controlling my thoughts and regulating my emotions, I think staying calm in a storm has become my new superpower.
The power to remain calm requires us to be fully aware, yet also detached. It requires the ability to view whatever is happening as an observer. It’s not easy when we’re more than an observer and we’re feeling confusion, anger, fear, and anxiety while looking for any escape.
Staying mindful when your mind wants to wander
Cancer can takeover anyone’s thoughts and emotions, so it’s helpful to remember that you control all your thoughts and emotions. Rather than allowing them to spiral out of control and plunge down into the abyss of despair, you can stop yourself. Imagine yourself getting a foothold and hanging on.
Try these tips:
- Focus on your breathing by bringing attention to every inhalation and exhalation for several seconds. Try the 4-7-8 method, which is to breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Or simply exhale longer than you inhale, which will put your Vagus Nerve to work for you.
- Practice active listening and be engaged. Give your undivided attention to whomever is talking, whether it’s a doctor or nurse or caregiver or loved one. Look at them. Ask questions. Respond to what they say, even when it’s something you don’t want to hear or acknowledge. Reassure them.
- Meditate and pray as a regular, daily practice. When you awake, when you go to bed, and any spare moment in between.
- Choose a smile (or neutral expression) over a frown. Smiling sends a signal to your brain that all is well, and it most certainly beats the feeling you have when you’re frowning. Yes, cancer can present us with many opportunities to frown, so I’m not suggesting you have a perpetually sunny outlook no matter what; but pay attention to your facial expressions. They will trigger the emotion they’re associated with, every time.
Awakening with cancer survivor Mark Nepo
Many wise teachers and counselors are available to help people with cancer awaken and stay present. One of those wise teachers is Mark Nepo.
I became aware of Nepo when a friend gave me one of his books, the New York Times bestseller, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have. Along with daily readings and lessons that are wise and inspirational, I discovered that he is also a cancer survivor.
Nepo discussed his cancer journey with Oprah Winfrey, telling her that after two bouts with cancer including surgery and chemotherapy, his body was weak, but he could feel his spirit growing stronger and his heart opening wider. He told her that openness and acceptance were among the most important lessons he has learned from his cancer experience.
Quote from Surviving Has Made Me Crazy.
“Everyone’s saying-C’mon. Let’s go. But I entered this and nothing’s been the same. How can I jump on out and not fear the world is a broken cage?”
Mark Nepo
From Acre Of Light: Living With Cancer.
“My purpose, at last, to hold nothing back. My goal: to live a thousand years, not in succession, but in every breath.”
Mark Nepo
Staying calm through the craziness of cancer
Cancer is a series of ups and downs, the craziest roller coaster ride you may ever experience. For some, it’s a short ride with low peaks and shallow valleys. For others it’s like a violent, extended ride on Kingda Ka, the tallest coaster in the world. All are frightening in places, yet they can also be exhilirating when we remain open spiritually and emotionally. Each peak, dip, and turn deserves to be acknowledge and honored.
To get through your ups and downs, try to remain centered and aware, even when all you want is to get off the damn ride.
I hope you feel more centered and calm and hopeful right now, after reading this. And I encourage you to discover Mark Nepo’s work. He is a member of the cancer tribe, really more like a wise elder or leader. He helps us recognize that as long as we stay awake and present to what we have, we will understand that we have all we need.